Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Abrupt Change of Plans

I had today's posting all planned out in my mind . . . how I was going to gripe about Hud's surgergy on Friday (it all went very well and he's recovery slowly, but doing fine) and how my birthday was pushed to the side while he wasn't feeling well. Then I was going to talk about how badly I've done with diet and exercise (same song, second verse) and how today is a new day, starting fresh . . .

So what happened? Not really sure.

I was driving into work this morning, listening to the radio, singing along - as I do - when all of the sudden, it was all I could do to keep from bursting into tears. Now, I know my singing is bad. But that's it. I know it. It doesn't ever make me want to cry. So what's up with THAT? Nothing's happened to make me sad or depressed. I was feeling pretty good about everything up until that very moment.

So when I got here, I saw Danielle LaPorte's column for this week (I know - I talk A LOT about her!!) and, once again, this one hit the nail right on the head!! Here's a portion of what she had to say today:

Default refrain: I can take it.

Paradigm-shifting response: But you shouldn’t have to.
1.      Acknowledgement first, analysis second. If you have a reaction — a rush of emotion, a dark thought lunges in, a curious question circles your mind, your stomach flips, or your heart goes ba-boom — then something is really actually, for real, for sure happening to you. You’re having an experience that is true for you. Never mind qualifying how justifiable or sane your painful or fearful reaction is, just notice that it is really happening — because denying it is a form of insanity.
2.      Endurance can be a very unwise choice. As inevitable as emotional and physical suffering is, it doesn’t always serve to make us stronger — sometimes it just wears you right down. Sometimes, the test of strength is to say “This isn’t working,” the millisecond it’s not working.
3.      Believe your pain. It’s not a friend you want to invite over, but when it does show up, it always — always — brings you precious information about what’s best for you.
4.      Dare to be high maintenance. I bet you’re invincible in many areas of your life. But when you need it, ask for special treatment.
5.      You want people on your team who believe you. I have friends who would be dead now if they didn’t keep looking for a doctor who believed what they said or how their body was responding. Keep searching for a lover who understands your vision of partnership, a collaborator who can see your dream, friends who are tuned in enough to say, “Is everything okay?”
Healing happens in resonance, not opposition.
If it hurts, it hurts.
Bring your pain into the light and everything changes.

So, I guess I have to acknowledge there's a bit of pain there somewhere. Maybe sit and have a good cry? Write a tragic story and get it all out? Go out and buy some fabulous shoes? They all sound like good ideas. Pepper will know what to do.

I do know this. It will get better. I won't feel this way long. But it's crappy to feel this way right now.


  1. You are human after all! You have had so much on your plate and the universe kept giving you more. I wondered how you were coping. Every once in a while we all need to just get it out of our systems.

    I hope you feel better after letting those tears loose. My favorite solution when I need to release pent up emotions is watching Mr. Holland's Opus. It's my go-to tear jerker because it ends on such an up note. I always end up with my heart swelling with pride, tears streaming my face, and my soul feeling better.

  2. Thank you!! Sometimes I feel like a big ol' baby, crying about nothing, when I see some really tragic things going on around me. But then, there are times . . . I guess Monday was just one of those times. Fortunately, feeling MUCH better now!


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